if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
