I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
