I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
