you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
