We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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