so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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