I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
