The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
This is my gift to your gina
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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