i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
