I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
