after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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