So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
