Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
