Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
