they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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