There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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