i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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