I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
