I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
don't judge my taste in strippers
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
