don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
