At least make sure they are 18
Why
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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