when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
