i was born a porn star she said
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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