Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
