watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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