Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize