We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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