I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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