I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
