Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize