We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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