he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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