I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
