I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
