I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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