Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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