you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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