I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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