6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
