I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
