Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
