he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize