So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
