First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
