he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize