Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
