look no pants
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
