We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
