Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize