i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
