Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
