theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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