Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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