After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
