Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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