So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
