so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize