i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
