I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
