history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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