Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
