dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
