so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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