1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
