You don't have asthma, your pregnant
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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