woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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