My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
