Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
