There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
