yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All the doctor said was why
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
