So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
