careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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