...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm just crazy horny about you
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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