and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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